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Many partners of addicts (such as drug addicts and alcoholics) do enable addictive behavior, turn a blind eye, allow their children to be put in harm’s way by not protecting them from the addict, etc. But most partners had no idea their spouse was a sex addict for many years.They may have sensed something was not right, but had no way to prove what it was.
Since they are asking me I know that means they have been to my website or read one of my articles and are looking for someone who will recognize and validate their trauma while not labeling them a “co-sex addict.” Helping people find good therapists could become a full time job for me.
Since the release of the book Your Sexually Addicted Spouse, partners have been desperate to find professionals who work from this model.
E-mails are pouring in asking for referrals to therapists who have been trained by APSATS.
Then call around to therapists and ask if they are familiar with the book and subscribe to what it teaches. (You can often find this on their website, which will help you rule out many therapists quickly.) If they do sometimes diagnose clients as co-sex addict, and hopefully they don’t, ask if they evaluate them first or if that is the name they give all partners of sex addicts.
Do they refer partners to COSA, S-Anon, or any other 12 step meetings? 12 step meetings are almost always for addicts and codependent family members of addicts.